Mommy's Birthday Surprise
by HawkRider
Summary: Birthday fic for WolfChild111. Tamaki's two phase plot for Kyouya's perfect Birthday celebration! Of course something will go wrong, it's Tamaki. Warnings inside. Two-shot.
1. Phase 1

**A late Happy Birthday WolfChild111!**

**Please note that killing me will only serve to satisfy you temporarily and stop ALGO from being written.**

**It should also be noted that murder is very difficult to cover up.**

**Warnings: KyouKao, shonen-ai, Fluff and idiots.**

* * *

"Why are we here again Tono?"

"I'll tell you why!" The self-proclaimed Prince stuck an over-the-top pose, pointing at the twins and attracting the attention of several passers by.

"Not this again..." Haruhi moaned, sighing as she headed off, determined that neither the twins or Tamaki follow her. Mori and Hunny shared the opinion, following her further into the department store that the moron had dragged them to.

"We are here to make sure that Kyouya's Birthday is celebrated properly! It's already November twenty first so we need to get moving!"

In his bedroom, Kyouya groggily opened his eyes, registering a brief feeling similar to annoyance before falling back to sleep for another few hours.

"Sure Tono. What have you got planned?" Kaoru asked.

"Well, for my plan we'll need two hundred banners, three hundred helium balloons with the number eighteen and a large cake with coconut flavored icing." Tamaki paused for a second, adapting his thinking pose. "Add to that the gifts, the cutlery and... Hey! Where are you two going!"

"We're going off to find our gifts for him! We prefer our head on our shoulders and our hearts in our chests, thank you." Hikaru called, earning a sharp nudge from his brother. "Hey, what was that for?"

"Hey, careful! I only finished this outfit yesterday!"

Tamaki looked after them for a few seconds, before turning extravagantly.

"So Haruhi? Where can we fin..." He paused mid word, finally realizing that he was alone. "Haruhi! Where are you?!"

* * *

Haruhi paused at a stall, kneeling down to get a good look at one of the objects on display. She was wearing a white top, with a collar just low enough to make Tamaki protest (about an inch and a half from her neck) with sensible black trousers, as well as a necklace Mori had chosen to be her birthday present that February.

Behind her, Hunny and Mori were examining a cake stall. If by examining you mean choosing which ones Hunny should be allowed to have, including the fact that they hadn't actually brought along much money (well, much considering how much they actually had in their respective bank accounts). Both of them were attracting glances from the women who passed, although there was the odd man who looked briefly angry when his wife's gaze passed over the two.

Haruhi quickly noticed something Kyouua would like, a very practical gift. At a discount. Figuring there would be nothing more suitable to find around the place (and considering that she really didn't like shopping for gifts), she bought it, with money Tamaki had practically forced upon her only the day before.

Apparently, this scheme of his wasn't as spontaneous as most of his other ones. It seemed to be planned out...

Meanwhile, Mori had managed to pull Hunny away from the cake (using a bribe of a slice of strawberry shortbread) and were now looking at a collection of books. Specifically homemade, leather bound notebooks.

Both of them agreed that the books were marvellous, especially when they noticed that the man selling them was making one.

They watched him thread a needle and pass it through holes in the binding, attaching a piece of blue leather to a textured board, adding shades to the ridges and painting some parts darker, before finally attacking the pages and a very nice little brass lock. It was a wonder he could afford the materials, really.

At a brief look, they saw about twenty of these little notebooks, a number the blue one was added to. Mori spotted one that was perfect for Kyouya, and picked it up, examining it.

"Like that one?" The man asked, placing the blue notebook on a small stand. "That's my favourite. It turned out great." He nodded, smiling. "Yours for 870 yen." Silently, Mori handed over the book, pulling out three notes and some coins, having learned from Haruhi that the stall owners wouldn't always have change. "Thank you." The man put the yen in his pocket, bagging the notebook in a red paper bag.

With a nod, Mori left, looking around to see where Hunny had disappeared to.

* * *

The twins wandered around the building, looking in various shops and stalls for something to buy. Kaoru seemed to be looking for something very particular, whereas Hikaru was just looking around, barely even browsing.

"Why can't your gift be our gift anyway?" Hikaru moaned to his twin as he paused at a stall selling, of all things, semi-precious stones.

"Because I was the one who made it. You made no contribution." Kaoru looked up briefly before returning his gaze to the stones, hoping to find the one he was looking for.

"I offered support!" Hikaru protested.

"When?" Kaoru didn't even look up when making that comment. Hikaru pouted.

"Constantly! You were just too busy wrapped up in your work to notice!" Hikaru was lying, but he hoped Kaoru had forgotten how to tell.

"You're lying." Kaoru held up a stone, comparing it in his mind's eye. "Excuse me." He waved for the attention of the woman selling the stones.

"May I help you?" Said woman was really happy. She had thought that all the only customers she would get when her mother asked her to look after the little stall that day would be old people. Now she was facing this handsome young man, obviously rich with an impeccable taste for fashion. She recognized the style as Hitachiin, but didn't recognize the clothes. She figured it was a new line that was just released, there was no way someone could get their hands on an unreleased Hitachiin product.

"Yes." Kaoru held up the stone, pinching it between two fingers to show the whole surface. "Do you have any more of this? About this size?"

Hikaru sighed as Kaoru got the last few parts of his gift, knowing that they'd have to make a small stop on the way home.

_Now what?_ He thought, looking around, trying to get some inspiration, feeling hopelessly lost.

* * *

Tamaki was hopelessly lost.

Of course, he had been hopelessly lost for the twenty minutes he had been frozen in that spot, exactly where had had been since he'd discovered Haruhi had 'abandoned' him.

Someone had placed a small box in front of him, in which people occasionally dropped some yen, donating to some charity.

Tamaki finally broke out of his stupor, looking around urgently to try and find at least one member of his extended family.

Sighing, he wandered off in search of her, barely glancing at anything as he hunted for his missing daughter.

* * *

"Where is Tamaki?" Haruhi asked, looking around for the Host King.

"We left him here." Hikaru told her. He had a small bag, but Haurhi could see at a glance that Kaoru's was smaller. Her's was actually the largest, closely followed by Hunny's.

"Yeah, he must have gotten lost." Hunny sighed on Mori's shoulder.

"Should we look?" Mori asked.

"No. He'll find us." One extra word was muttered by Kaoru, 'unfortunately'.

"HARUHI!" Tamaki flew at the girl, elongating her name as he sped forwards.

Haruhi stepped backwards, sending the blond crashing into a wall. He sprung to his feet in seconds, hugging the poor unfortunate girl.

"Tamaki. Stop." She grabbed the teen's ear, pinching it and pulling down.

"OW! Ow ow ow ow." As Tamaki continued to cry out in pain, the other four looked at him.

"Did you get everything?"

Tamaki froze, then slowly started to melt, forming a small puddle on the tiled floor.

Kaoru sighed. "Hikaru? Can you pull a few strings?"

"I'll give it a try." Hikaru sounded reluctant, but he knew it was either that or be ripped to shreds by the youngest Ootori son.

"Great!" Tamaki moved into a very over-dramatic pose, flinging one finger out far enough to almost hit Hikaru's nose. "Phase one of Mommy's Birthday Surprise is complete! Phase two begins tomorrow!" He cheered.

"Yay."

* * *

**All right, turned into a twoshot. Will this result in less chance of death?**


	2. Phase 2

**Well, I rewrote it. I am so annoyed right now. I had this written, exactly as I would have wanted, and it has vanished. I have a feeling it happened when all of the documents on my data stick were corrupted (don't worry, I'm pretty sure I have all of the others safe).**

**Anyway, Happy Birthday Kyouya! I hope that you enjoy your gift. And yes, I am being conservative in fusing your present with Wolfie's.**

* * *

"Tono, this is a bad idea."

"Hikaru, have some confidence!" Tamaki cheered.

"Yeah Hika-chan! Have a sense of adventure!" Hunny cheered from his place of Mori's shoulder.

"I agree with Hikaru on this one." Haruhi said.

"No!" Tamaki wailed suddenly, spinning round to grab Haruhi's head, staring worriedly into her eyes. "Haruhi! You can't loose face now! We have to march bravely on!"

"Senpai, you just want to make me run away more." Haruhi deadpanned. Tamaki was hit by lightning.

"Hey, Haruhi? Do you ever think you're too tough on Tono?" Hikaru asked, curious.

"No. He needs repeated reality checks." Haruhi replied.

"Hey, where's Kao-chan?" Hunny asked.

"No clue. He vanished overnight." Hikaru replied, deflating almost. "Well, I think Tono's over Haruhi's snap."

"Lets go." Mori said, already walking over to the main doors of the Ootori mansion.

* * *

The sound of the door closing was drowned out by the cheers of Tamaki, Hikaru and Hunny as they entered the room. Specifically, Kyouya's bedroom.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They cheered, Haruhi and Mori both at significantly lower volumes.

"Keep it down..." Kyouya was balanced on his elbows, barely above the horizontal as he glared at the intruders with undisguised contempt. "It's too early."

"Kyouya! You have to wake up!" As Tamaki listed all of the plans he had made for Kyouya's birthday, the Shadow King fell back on his bed, already bored enough to fall back to sleep.

"Tamaki-chan, Kyo-chan's asleep again." Hunny pointed out.

"WAKE UP MOMMY!" Tamaki yelled, suddenly jumping on the bed and shaking the ravenette by the shoulders. Violently.

Kyouya groaned, then was suddenly enveloped in a demonic aura. It spread through the room, forcing the remainder of the Host Club to the ground. "I was awake until four am last night. I am tired, and I really would like to get some sleep at some point. So leave." At that, Kyouya fell back again, pleased with his work. The Host Club had already left. "You can come out know." He muttered, seconds away from falling asleep.

"Oh, no you don't." The second door in the room opened and a figure walked out. "Coffee. Now." He ordered, rolling Kyouya onto his back and pushing him into a sitting position.

"Kaoru..." Kyouya moaned, trying to force himself to drink the liquid.

"Drink first, then talk." The red-head whispered, forcing the rim of the mug to Kyouya's lips. "Then you can see what gifts they left behind."

"Yours is the most useful." Kyouya muttered, draining the last of the mug. He looked at Kaoru's surprised face. "I took over the security cameras of the shopping centre you all went to. Did you really think I was psychic?"

"You could fool me." Kaoru muttered, earing a brief chuckle from Kyouya.

Then the door burst open.

"Kaoru! Get away from him!"

"Hikaru?" Kaoru looked up at his twin, confused. "What do you mean?"

"No! It cannot be! His poisons have already gotten to you!" He ran up to his twin, shaking him violently. "Can you even hear my voice?!"

"Hikaru. Stop." Somehow, Kaoru managed to say it despite the shaking. "I thought that you were fine with it." He said.

"What do you mean?" Hikaru froze as he said it.

"You don't remember?" Kaoru said, cueing the convenient flashback.

* * *

Flashback

_Kaoru walked into the room, slightly unsure of himself. "Well, that's sorted..."_

_"Huh?" Hikaru asked, almost fully enveloped in the videogame he was playing._

_"Hikaru... I've begun to date Kyouya... Do you want me to break up with him?"_

_Suddenly, there were several beeps from the consol, and Hikaru cried out. "NO!" He snapped._

_Kaoru smiled. "Thank you Kaoru."_

End Flashback

* * *

Hikaru's eyebrow twitched repeatedly. "You... can't tell if I'm actually listening?" He asked, before suddenly exploding. "HOW COULD YOU NOT REALISE!" He yelled, in giant kawaii frustration.

"I can't tell anything about you know that you're fawning over Haruhi. Constantly." Hikaru staggered back at Kaoru's accusation, backing into the door.

"Don't come into my room tonight!" Hikaru yelled, turning and slamming the door.

"I know this may be a little out of character for me, but don't you think you may have been too hard on him?"

"No. I think it was just what he needed." Kaoru smiled. "After all, the two of us need to grow apart at some point. It's just a matter of letting Hikaru know when that time will come."

* * *

**I hope you liked this gift Wolfie and Kyouya. And anyone else who might be reading.**

**Yeah, it wasn't as fluffy as I hoped it would be, but hey. I tried. I literally had towrite this in an hour (my fault, I was being lazy last night).**

**Anyway, I hope that you liked, and will not mind this shameless advert for a future Ouran fic, about the Host Club's newest adventures now that Hunny and Mori have graduated. Yes, it is anime-verse.**

**Anyway, see you all again soon!**


End file.
